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~FREE DOWNLOAD ⚕ If Only I Could Tell You ⚈ Hannah Beckerman pens a life affirming novel that tells the story of a family divided and the secret that can possibly unite them a must for fans of This Is Us.Audrey knows that life is filled with ups and downs, but she can t help feeling like she s been dealtthan her fair share as she s watched her family come undone over the years Her dream as a mother had been for her daughters, Jess and Lily, to be as close as only sisters can be But now as adults, they no longer speak to each other, and Audrey s two teenage granddaughters have never met Evenupsetting is the fact that Audrey has no idea how to fix her family as she wonders if they will ever be whole again.If only Audrey had known three decades ago that a secret could have the power to split her family in two, but ironically, also keep them linked And when hostilities threaten to spiral out of control, a devastating choice that was made so many years ago is about to be revealed, testing once and for all Audrey and those she loves.Is it too late for one broken family to heal and find their way back to each other A beautiful novel of mothers and daughters, the bonds of family, and the secrets that can sometimes divide us yet also bring us together, If Only I Could Tell You will remain on your mind long after the last page is turned. I don t think I was in the right frame of mind for this book but I m not sure if I ever would be Note to self read blurbs carefully This brought back too many memory of watching my mother stoically await the fate that multiple myeloma had in store for her Add to that the fact that I didn t like two of the main characters One thing I find hard to deal with is when parents put so much pressure on their kids to academically succeed as a way of compensating for their own lack of fulfilment This was what Jess was doing to Mia and she was overriding and bulldozing her daughters wishes for post A Level study I found the story predictable and I confess to skim reading the last 50% I also doubt that someone in the end stage of cancer would have the energy or strength to fly from London to NYC even if your heart wished it Not for me. This is one of the saddest books I ve ever read It actually made me feel psychically depressed at times while reading this This is a contemporary story that follows this mother Audrey, and her adult daughters Jess and Lily don t speak to each other and their teenage daughters have never met, all because of this secret that happened when they were children You spend the story trying to figure out what happened to their family, and along the way you get your heart broken into pieces This book is being compared to one of my favorite tv shows This Is Us and I can honestly see why it s a family drama that makes you cry your eyes out I will warn you though that this book has some very triggering things in it like view spoiler suicide, cancer serious illness, grief, miscarriage hide spoiler I should not have started this book before bedtime because then bedtime ended up being 4am with an alarm set so I could wake up and immediately finish reading this This book covers so much Family, friendship, love, loos, grief and honesty I really didn t know which direction this book was going to turn in next, there is just so much depth and so many hidden messages throughout the novel I loved the family featured in the novel Audrey is mother to Lily and Jess and grandmother to Mia Jess s daughter and Phoebe Lily s daughter I love the fact that Audrey s pattern of two daughters is repeated with her having two granddaughters They live so close to each other and yet are so far apart in so many ways Although Audrey is the lynch pin of the story, the majority of the time we either see things from Jess s perspective or Lily s but we do sometimes have an Audrey narrative as well, just to add another layer to the events that unfold There is so much grief and loss in this novel in so many different ways and I love the fact that this author shows how loss can affect people so differently and in just so many ways that may not become clear until a long while after the fact We know that it can affect life choices and either bring people together or drive them apart And then there is the loss that we can experience even when nobody has died, the loss that we experience through rifts in families or marriages and all of this is explored so tenderly and so beautifully in this novel I expected to cry a lot but I didn t because I was marvelling at the clever way Hannah Beckerman has woven this novel with its layers and its mirroring of feelings and events, it really is a spectacle I loved the setting of this story with so much of it taking place in one corner of London It was easy to picture and easy to imagine these characters placed in that setting There definitely is a care warning for grief and loss in this novel so make sure you are in the right place to do so before picking this one up These characters became very real to me as I was reading, their lives and their unique perspective of themselves and each other and I imagine that they will stay with me for a while to come This is a beautiful novel so full of real life and so full of loss but in a very tender and sympathetic way I definitely recommend adding this one to you TBR now. It is with a heart laden with sadness and eyes soaked in tears, I write this difficult review If you ever want to read a book which makes you cry read thisIf you ever want to feel deep melancholy read thisIf you ever want to feel a mother s love read thisIf you ever want to feel sisters hate for 28 years read thisIf you ever want to see sisters bonding read thisIf you ever want to read about family and strength read this A dying mother and estranged sisters due to a misunderstanding 28 years ago caused the family to break apart A beautiful, poignant book by Hannah Beckerman, depicted the sisters, Tess and Lily, connected by grief and anger, each going through life missing the other, with the mother Audrey caught in between Till she was diagnosed to have a few months to live and wanting her two daughters become sisters again was her only wish Hannah s writing made the scenes come alive, sadness was palpable in the depth of emotions One moment of misinterpretation by a 10 year old child caused ripples in time and behavior The story showed the lives of all the 3 women with shuffled timelines casting glimpses like the lens of a viewfinder as they grow up, from their dreams to their realities, from their hopes to their sorrows, from their anger to their knowledge The last few chapters had its shocking tale to narrate, but I understood the decisions taken by them Each was right, but they were all so wrong This book had me crying and breaking down at many points It was a tough read. If only I could like this book.Foreshadowing is a potent tool Very potent Unfortunately this book uses it the way a three year old talks to a parent Daddy, I saw What did you see If only I could tell you OK, then don t tell me But guess Was it an animal If only I could tell you A man If only I could tell you OK, then let s play a game Nonono, you MUST guess It has legs How many legs If only I could tell you When I reached the second part of the book I started flipping through the pages, irritated, waiting to find out WHAT IT WAS THAT SHE COULDN T TELL ME At the same time I feared I d end up feeling the same way I had when I first read Stephen King s It , which was perfectly terrifying until it was revealed at the point where even an eight headed dragon named Susan would have disappointed me Beckerman doesn t disappoint when she finally delivers Unfortunately in order to get there I had to ignore the multiple as we so often discussed , as you very well know , etc dialogues, fifty hints that this thing from the past that you never talk about is tearing us apart , etc and flashbacks, flashbacks, soooooo many flashbacks, each of them giving just that one piece of the puzzle It has FOUR legs, daddy Is it a table If only I could tell you Go on guessing, daddy.I would suspect that my problem were my expectations, but I had none, just assuming the book would be great because it came recommended by my favourite writer Marian Keyes Now that I am finished I can see why Keyes is my favourite writer and Beckerman, well, isn t Marian Keyes wrote a book that is sort of kind of similar, as in heading for the great reveal of a terrible secret that is hinted at, but the reveal comes halfway through the book, allowing me to see what happens next Beckerman made me grind my teeth for 300 pages, then gave me the reveal, then rounded it up with afitting ending, to avoid a spoiler.Sometimes people say this book kept me on the edge of my seat or I couldn t put it down In fact, one of the cover endorsements says I read it in a single day So did I Out of frustration and my determination not to DNF the book Now that I did finish it I m frustrated again, because the parts that I actually wanted to see develop the relationships between mothers and daughters, a wife and a husband, etc were just cut short OK, you got the Big Thing, time to round up aaaaand cut So it s a hamster You got it, daddy Phew So what about it Nothing Can I go play Fortnite now OMG I loved this book There aren t many books that I start reading and by chapter 3 I can t stop thinking about the characters but If Only I Could Tell You is definitely one of them.This book covers everything you need for a heart warming, heart breaking story Family, friendship, love, guilt, lies, grief, honesty, deception, bravery, acceptance and fear.The story revolves around Audrey, a mother to 2 grown up women Jess and Lily, each with a daughter of their own However Jess and Lily haven t spoken in over 30 years and the family are in literally in pieces Audrey s final wish is to reunite her daughters and heal the rift before it s too late.If Only I Could Tell You is narrated through Audrey, Jess and Lily and it s impossible not to feel and care about these wonderful characters This is a moving and emotional story that will tug at your heart strings. Audrey has two daughters, Lily and Jess who have not spoken to each other for years Lily and Jess have two daughters close in age but now teenagers, the cousins, Phoebe and Mia, a have never been allowed to meet and get to know each other An event from the past and a secret held has shattered this family After her recent diagnose Audrey knows time is running out for her She is determined to try and bring her daughters together before she dies Is it possible to heal the hurts of the past Especially when she has no idea what initially caused the seismic chasm between Jess and Lily.The story starts in 1988 with the event that shatters the relationship between the two sisters What could have possibly happened It is only as the story moves into 2016 and back again to other events in the past that the full extent of what happened on that Thursday morning is revealed More than one secret emerges over the time The characters are well developed if not always likeable The events that transpire may raise thought provoking issues for the reader It is an emotionally charged story with a lot f tragedy And to fully take in the story the reader will need to believe that a ten year old would keep a shocking secret to herself over thirty years If you accept that, then the rest of the story flows on from that I really liked the inclusion of the choir Audrey auditions for and Ben, the choirmaster, is a lovely character I related to Audrey not being able to read music and picking up songs by ear.A story about family, secrets, misconceptions, expectations, loss and grief there is a lot happening in this novel Perhaps too much I found it highly readable and the story involving, though towards the end I did have a couple of things that didn t sit comfortably with me Maybe just a little too neatly tied up But still a very good read and I would be interested to read another book by this author She conveys character, situation and emotions well All in all, an engaging, emotionally charged read. A very intriguing start Sisters Jess and Lily are getting ready for school when Lily goes into the spare room which she was asked not to We don t know what she sees but it causes the sisters to be estranged for years to come I m so pleased, I had thought I had this all worked out and I was so wrong We then move forwards 28 years and Audrey is moving into her daughter Jess s house as she is dying Audrey s last wish would be for her daughters to be reconciled But can it be fixed The title If only I could tell you was so apt Imagine thinking you saw something, you keep it a secret only to find out that you had misconstrued it A secret that has affected the whole family with heartbreaking consequences.For me reading this was an emotional ride, it is so beautifully and compassionately written that it will capture you re heart and attention from start to finish Definitely read this with the tissues nearby, you made me laugh and you made me cry, you also made me think about siblings that I have not been in touch with for a while and how life is too short, so grab life with both hands and enjoy it This book incorporates so much, grief, loss, friendship, love, basically it has highs and lows than a rollercoaster but is not all doom and gloom The tension is kept throughout the book to the end which is finished off in a believable and compassionate way.A must read , but make sure you have a few hours to spare as you will not want to put this book down.I rate this book 10 out of 10Looking forward to Hannah Beckerman s next book Thank you to Netgalley for my copy in exchange for a review. Why I love itby Etaf RumWarning have tissues at hand for this beautifully heartbreaking story If Only I Could Tell You is half mystery, half tender tale about grief and estrangement and the kind of loss that can break even the closest family apart A must read Imagine keeping a secret of something you saw a secret that will have heartbreaking effects on your entire family only to find out that what you had seen had been misconstrued all along One morning in 1988, ten year old Jess sees her fifteen year old sister Lily coming out of their family s spare bedroom, a seemingly benign act which, bewilderingly, sparks a rift between the two sisters for decades Flash forward 30 years Their mother, Audrey who has never discovered the reasons behind the feud is dying Determined to reconcile her adult daughters, she ll stop at nothing to uncover their long held secrets But will her time run out before she can It s been a while since I read a book that managed to be so honest in its navigation of loss, forgiveness, grief, and unconditional love There are so many beautifully captured and tender moments between the characters and the ways in which the family dynamics unfold Beckerman has a gift in making each scene, no matter how difficult the issue at hand, feel so personal and genuine Hands down one of my favorite books of the year Read at