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!Read Epub ⚣ I'm Afraid of Men  A trans artist explores how masculinity was imposed on her as a boy and continues to haunt her as a girl and how we might re imagine gender for the twenty first centuryVivek Shraya has reason to be afraid Throughout her life she s endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreakWith raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate I m Afraid of Men is a journey from camouflage to a riot of color and a blueprint for how we might cherish all that makes us different and conquer all that makes us afraid I would be lying if I said that the title didn t have a huge influence on my intrigue in this initially, however, this book ended up giving me wayinsight than I could have ever guessed Exploring masculinity from the perspective of a trans woman through her experiences both pre and post transition, Vivek Shraya delivers a very raw take on how misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia has impacted her life A particularly insightful part in this for me was Shraya s take on the good manInI would be lying if I said that the title didn t have a huge influence on my intrigue in this initially, however, this book ended up giving me wayinsight than I could have ever guessed Exploring masculinity from the perspective of a trans woman through her experiences both pre and post transition, Vivek Shraya delivers a very raw take on how misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia has impacted her life A particularly insightful part in this for me was Shraya s take on the good manIn spite of my negative experiences, I ve maintained a robust attachment to the idea of the good man A common theme in my encounters and relationships is my certainty that the men I have admired were good , a synonym for different from the rest The attachment to the promise of goodness is what left me bereft when, in various ways, I discovered that each of these men wasn t one of the good guysShe goes on to talk about how instead of categorizing men or anyone, really as good , that we value specific characteristics one possesses such as communication, dependability, and the like If we are to focus on specific characteristics as opposed to categorizing people as generally good , it not only eliminates the elevated image we ve created of them, but unlike how being good cancels out when one does something bad , these character attributes can coexist alongside one another Although I can t speak to experiences one faces in the LGBTQ community, I can relate to the experiences and scenarios presented that affect women on a daily basis What I liked about this was also that it didn t skip past the fact that women who defend or feed into misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia are equally to blame Overall, I thought this was very well written, and at 96 pages, the only thing I wish is that it was longer A short yet sobering book written with raw honesty and valuable insights of how we treat women and people within the LGBT community I was surprised to find myself gaining new perspectives based on the questions that Shraya asks, particularly with how we put men on a binary between good bad , and the distinction between identifying as LGBT and being expected to have no boundaries I think if this were a full length memoir, I would have easily rated it 5 stars however, this 96 page book cou A short yet sobering book written with raw honesty and valuable insights of how we treat women and people within the LGBT community I was surprised to find myself gaining new perspectives based on the questions that Shraya asks, particularly with how we put men on a binary between good bad , and the distinction between identifying as LGBT and being expected to have no boundaries I think if this were a full length memoir, I would have easily rated it 5 stars however, this 96 page book could improve with beingcohesive and organized Dividing the writing into sections like Me and You feels arbitrary, especially when she jumps between different timelines as she recalls experiences I think the book would have been better if she had organized them either chronologically or by subject matter instead, it feels like a random series of thoughts even though they are important Sometimes I read 300 orpage books and I wonder if I read anything at all Not everything I stumble across has to make me look at the world differently or teach me over and over, but I want something memorable because it smuch valuable than a book that provides you with the kind of instant pleasure and happiness that you ll forget about two days later This very short book, not even 100 pages long, had my mind pausing on some of the interactions I have had with guys So much of what V Sometimes I read 300 orpage books and I wonder if I read anything at all Not everything I stumble across has to make me look at the world differently or teach me over and over, but I want something memorable because it smuch valuable than a book that provides you with the kind of instant pleasure and happiness that you ll forget about two days later This very short book, not even 100 pages long, had my mind pausing on some of the interactions I have had with guys So much of what Vivek Shraya shares in here is a punch in the heart because it s oh so true She chose carefully which episodes from her life she wanted to share, but these episodes are meaningful and raw and provide comfort at times.Two months ago, I was hanging out with this guy I liked We had fun conversations online and I met him three years before So I thought we could try hanging out in real life to see if we connect He seemed so sweet online and through the phone So we did that Turns out he was a nice person to be around and I started to like his real life version a lot quickly because of our previous conversations But the moment I let him know I found him attractive and allowed him to touch me, our interactions went from friendly to something I didn t really understand Until, you know, he said he wanted to be friends with benefits Did not see it coming.That and Shraya made me realize that once a guy is aware that he is attractive to you, he feels as though he is permitted to touch you or flirt with you or even say vulgar things like, If you want a guy to believe in butterflies in the stomach, suck his d Other times, they don t even need that confirmation Obviously I m not sharing everything But I have to say that I overlooked a lot of the things this guy said to me because I liked his attention and he seemed to care Did he really care Probably not I also participated in the flirting because he liked it a lot but now I wish I had behavedlike Shraya and refused to flirt back because although some of those conversations were exciting they often left me feeling a bit empty inside And being over sexualized over and over is not the best feeling in the world But, well, you learn And you slowly start thinking about what YOUR needs are and what YOU deserve and makes YOU feel good You know what the saddest part is Even though I found that guy attractive and he let me know he didn t want a girlfriend, I was okay with being just friends But the flirting continued and continued and what s the point It s not meaningful It s not going anywhere So, I guess, I m afraid of men too sometimes because I don t know what s in their heads and I don t know what they mean and don t mean I don t know if they re interested in me because I have a refreshing point of view to them or because they like my body I feel like I never will know these things until I ask or until I stop overlooking If something doesn t feel right, then it probably isn t Although Shraya is over suspicious, I think she is right to be so aware in the world and be careful and ready to bolt if a situation starts going downhill because the opposite being too trusting and caring too fast and wanting to fix things that have no business being fixed is much, much worse Blog Youtube Twitter Instagram Google Bloglovin A vulnerable, powerful examination of gender and masculinity from trans artist Vivek Shraya I m Afraid of Men reminded me of We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, as Shraya uses her personal experiences of sexism and harassment to build a case for why we need to redefine and rebuild masculinity as well as gender overall She shares her lived experience as a trans person of color with courage and incision, both the pain she has felt at the hands of men and misogynistic wome A vulnerable, powerful examination of gender and masculinity from trans artist Vivek Shraya I m Afraid of Men reminded me of We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, as Shraya uses her personal experiences of sexism and harassment to build a case for why we need to redefine and rebuild masculinity as well as gender overall She shares her lived experience as a trans person of color with courage and incision, both the pain she has felt at the hands of men and misogynistic women and how she wants us all to move forward to create a better world A short paragraph in which she reflects on what she wishes she had learned growing up as a boyWhen I was learning to be a man, I wish that instead of the coaching I received to take up space, I had been taught to be respectful of space To be ever conscious of and ever grateful to those whose sacred land I inhabit To be mindful of the space and bodies of others, especially feminine bodies To never presume that I am permitted to touch the body of another, no matter how queer the space To give up or create space when I am affordedthan others Though this book falls on the shorter side, Shraya shares many insights that I wishpeople thought of She discusses how our expectations for men are way too low, how the idea of a good man prevents us from positively reinforcing specific behaviors men should practice , and how the gender binary makes us all feel afraid I m Afraid of Men has both intellectual and emotional honesty As someone who has also felt afraid of men throughout his life because of how they have hurt me, I appreciated Shraya s personal disclosures a lot and they made me feel connected and less alone, despite the differences in our social identities Recommended to anyone who wants a succinct yet compelling exploration of gender, as well as for people who have a difficulty trusting men I ll end this review with another earnest passage toward the end of the bookI wonder what my life might have been like if my so called feminine tendencies, such as being sensitive, or my interests, such as wearing my mother s clothing, or even my body had not been gendered or designated as either feminine or masculine at all Despite the ways in which my gender felt enforced, I sometimes miss elements of my masculine past, like the thickness of my beard or the once impressive width of my biceps Maybe this missing is actually mourning in disguise, for having to surrender aspects of my appearance I worked hard to achieve Or maybe I m mourning a life that I still don t get to fully live because it s one I continue to have to defend and authenticate What if I didn t have to give up any characteristics, especially ones I like, to outwardly prove I am a girl What if living my truth now didn t immediately render everything that came before, namely my manhood, a lie