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Parenting books are always going to be a mixed bag and people are going to read those that seem to support their ideals, creating a kind of echo chamber I try to avoid this by reading books that rely heavily on scientific studies rather than on well everyone knows that you re supposed to sort of reasoning Shumaker does a relatively good job of referencing the studies she uses to support her work, though I would have liked a stronger bibliography orsource citation She also tends to Parenting books are always going to be a mixed bag and people are going to read those that seem to support their ideals, creating a kind of echo chamber I try to avoid this by reading books that rely heavily on scientific studies rather than on well everyone knows that you re supposed to sort of reasoning Shumaker does a relatively good job of referencing the studies she uses to support her work, though I would have liked a stronger bibliography orsource citation She also tends to rely heavily on her own experiences and the advice of people who worked at the school she attended, which can again create a kind of echo chamber But since scientific studies seem to back up the same suggestions and ideas, it doesn t seem to be doing much harm Many of the reviews I ve read thus far are from people who had a handle on some of the concepts in this book before they ever picked it up Don t force a child to give up a toy play equipment spot the second another child wants to use it Listen to your children and try to give them the space they need to express themselves without letting them run wild I didn t have a lot of these guidelines when I was growing up I had to follow the rules, all the rules, or I was Bad Girl To this day, I have problems stepping outside the lines and often feel that if I can t do it right, then I shouldn t do it at all I don t want to pass these traits onto my son, and I think that Shumaker s suggestions could help my husband and I avoid these issues.Touching on topics ranging from No Boys Girls Allowed to introducing the concept of death to children in as safe a manner as possible, to toy weapons, Shumaker s work covers the big topics where many people are uncertain She brings science and reason to the table, but still leaves room for her reader s personal preference and comfort levels She doesn t say This is how it has to be She says this is what science experts think will work best Here s a few ways you can work these practices into your life Go at your own pace, whatever pace it is to keep you and your family happy and comfortable She also takes time to point out that there will be days when her reader, as a parent or caregiver, simply won t have the energy to employ the tips in this book and that it is perfectly fine Expected even All that matters is that we try what we can, when we can, and do the best we can for our children Some of it I love, some of it I will not incorporate into our life Some of the chapters were not convincing at all even while relying on child development specialists to make her point While I wouldn t say No to weapon play, I would also not buy my child a toy gun Just as I wouldn t buy an American girl doll It is important for me, being the one who buys the toys, that I am supporting what I believe is a good company, a good kind of toy etc I loved the overall themes of letting children pla Some of it I love, some of it I will not incorporate into our life Some of the chapters were not convincing at all even while relying on child development specialists to make her point While I wouldn t say No to weapon play, I would also not buy my child a toy gun Just as I wouldn t buy an American girl doll It is important for me, being the one who buys the toys, that I am supporting what I believe is a good company, a good kind of toy etc I loved the overall themes of letting children play and many of my pet peeves like telling kids not to run or to be careful were included Lots of good stuff, but there were too many sections that I really didn t like and therefore I finished the book feeling like I can t really recommend the book without a giant disclaimer that some of it is not on the right path, in my opinion Terrific book Parents should always build their own parenting styles and practices on belief and practice a parent who feel rock solid comfortable with their own ideas will make their kids feel comfortable, too, knowing that mom and dad stand for something, have some non negotiables So I wouldn t advise anyone to use this as a manual.With that said, the book is full of different ways to look at common practices Say you re sorry and can serve as a spur to re thinking some of the things y Terrific book Parents should always build their own parenting styles and practices on belief and practice a parent who feel rock solid comfortable with their own ideas will make their kids feel comfortable, too, knowing that mom and dad stand for something, have some non negotiables So I wouldn t advise anyone to use this as a manual.With that said, the book is full of different ways to look at common practices Say you re sorry and can serve as a spur to re thinking some of the things you learned in your own childhood At that re framing many of the common dilemmas of parenting Shumaker is superb Most of one s success in life is based on using plain, simple common sense Most of one s success raising children should be based on common sense too Ms Shumaker s book drips with common sense on every page Her main premise is instead of trying to raise our children to become mini adults, we should use common sense to understand the why s of their behaviors, and then raise them to become the best children they can be, with appropriate challenges and success at each stage of their development Most of one s success in life is based on using plain, simple common sense Most of one s success raising children should be based on common sense too Ms Shumaker s book drips with common sense on every page Her main premise is instead of trying to raise our children to become mini adults, we should use common sense to understand the why s of their behaviors, and then raise them to become the best children they can be, with appropriate challenges and success at each stage of their development She feels this is the most effective method for helping them become successful adults.What I see as her overarching rule of rules is her Renegade Rule 2 It s OK if it s not hurting people or property My translation let kids be kids Allow them to make noise, make messes, wrestle and roughhouse with each other by mutual agreement, have arguments, be selfish and hog a toy for the entire day, say almost anything with certain limitations , play during 99% of their free time, and make believe any fantasy they can dream of, even if that fantasy appears to be violent on the surface AS LONG AS IT S NOT HURTING PEOPLE OR PROPERTY.The format is laid out simply, logically, and clearly Twenty nine rules, each with its own chapter Each chapter explains the rule, the reason for the rule, why it works with children, what you might object to initially, case studies or examples of the rule in action, and Renegade Blessings and Children s Rights, which further help reinforce this new way of thinking for parents.Each chapter also contains step by step procedures and suggestions for implementing a new rule Ms Shumaker also deals with the inevitable clash between old and new cultures and how to deal with, for example, parents who believe it s abhorrent to let young children indulge in any sort of violent or aggressive fantasy or game She acknowledges there will be friction between parents with different parenting philosophies and provides handy explanations and justifications for the Renegade parent to gently educate another parent in how to accept a Renegade Parent s style.Bottom line, I usually conk out reading in bed by eleven o clock, but It s OK NOT to Share was such a page turner it kept me up reading well past midnight on two occasions This is the best book I ve read this year and one of the best nonfiction books I ve read in many years I am loving this book I wish all parents would read it If you are a parent, read this book It is my absolute favorite parenting book now, I can t say enough good about it It has changed the way I and my husband parent, the way I interact with nieces and nephews, even the way I teach my four year old class at church Everything she teaches is based off of the rights the children and parents have, she gives examples of application, shares some specific things you should and shouldn t say in certain situations, and even shares ideas for how to ha If you are a parent, read this book It is my absolute favorite parenting book now, I can t say enough good about it It has changed the way I and my husband parent, the way I interact with nieces and nephews, even the way I teach my four year old class at church Everything she teaches is based off of the rights the children and parents have, she gives examples of application, shares some specific things you should and shouldn t say in certain situations, and even shares ideas for how to handle other parents who parent differently than you This is the best parenting book I ve ever picked up |Free E-pub ♿ It's OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids ⚔ Parenting can be such an overwhelming job that it s easy to lose track of where you stand on some of the controversial subjects at the playground What if my kid likes to rough house isn t this ok as long as no one gets hurt And what if my kid just doesn t feel like sharing In this inspiring and enlightening book, Heather Shumaker describes her quest to nail down the rules to raising smart, sensitive, and self sufficient kids Drawing on her own experiences as the mother of two small children, as well as on the work of child psychologists, pediatricians, educators and so on, in this book Shumaker gets to the heart of the matter on a host of important questions Hint many of the rules aren t what you think they are The rules in this book focus on the toddler and preschool years an important time for laying the foundation for competent and compassionate older kids and then adults Here are a few of the rules It s OK if it s not hurting people or property Bombs, guns and bad guys allowed Boys can wear tutus Pictures don t have to be pretty Paint off the paper Sex ed starts in preschool Kids don t have to say Sorry Love your kid s lies IT S OK NOT TO SHARE is an essential resource for any parent hoping to avoid PLAYDATEGATE ie your child s behavior in a social interaction with another child clearly doesn t meet with another parent s approval I really liked the fresh perspective this book took on parenting, and I intend to utilize several strategies I found here In many ways, some of these ideas were a huge relief My son was Montessori schooled through kindergarten, and it was mostly a good fit for him not, unfortunately, for my daughter , but one thing my husband and I still laugh about to this day is how seriously the teachers took roughhousing and how we were even instructed to eliminate it at our house My husband s evening wr I really liked the fresh perspective this book took on parenting, and I intend to utilize several strategies I found here In many ways, some of these ideas were a huge relief My son was Montessori schooled through kindergarten, and it was mostly a good fit for him not, unfortunately, for my daughter , but one thing my husband and I still laugh about to this day is how seriously the teachers took roughhousing and how we were even instructed to eliminate it at our house My husband s evening wrestling matches with my son were frowned upon, even though in some ways they were my son s lifeblood and enabled him to get through the task heavy days at school So I am very excited to get the imprimatur from the author to let the kids run roughshod as they roughhouse There were some sections I disagreed with for example, exclusion based on gender is simply never going to happen in my house I see too much of that kind of exclusion, mostly from girls, I hate to say it, in my son s school It s confusing and it further deepens a divide that, frankly, doesn t have to be there But the author is good about saying that not all of these rules need to be followed in fact, she says, she doesn t even follow all of them.My quibbles are fairly minor There was some sloppy repetition in the text that could have been eliminated, sometimes verbatim within the same section I also felt the author relied far too heavily on the teachers at her mother s preschool when she was looking to add some expert support to her ideas I thought the most effective aspect of the book was the author s confidence, her commonsense suggestions and tactics, not the supporting of the case she seemed moved to do from time to time whether out of insecurity or an editor s prodding I know it s tricky to sell a parenting book when the author doesn t have a platform or isn t a parenting expert, but that s how I would frame the book That s what makes it an interesting sell What T Berry Brazelton says is interesting, but I m sold on her strategies because they make sense to me on some core level and because she s not overselling them When I first saw it in the Netgalley catalog, I was startled by the title It s OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids by Heather Shumaker Tarcher, 2012 Not share Isn t that the first thing we teach our babies during play dates I was delighted by some of the concepts in this parenting book, not because I agreed with it all, but because it opened my mind to different ways to approach teaching my children about relationships, compassion, and deali When I first saw it in the Netgalley catalog, I was startled by the title It s OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules for Raising Competent and Compassionate Kids by Heather Shumaker Tarcher, 2012 Not share Isn t that the first thing we teach our babies during play dates I was delighted by some of the concepts in this parenting book, not because I agreed with it all, but because it opened my mind to different ways to approach teaching my children about relationships, compassion, and dealing with the ups and downs of life.I liked Ms Shumaker s explanations for the renagade rules If we make children say sorry, they learn that they can say a word and go on with playing If we teach them to stop and notice that another child is hurt or crying, they learn sincerity and compassion Let them decide to say sorry, but do help them notice what they ve done Similarly, if we force a child to share a coveted swing, he may resent the parent and the other child If we alert him to the fact that others want a turn and let him choose when to get off the swing, he may learn to besensitive to those around him.Although I obviously won t implement all the renegade rules , I certainly appreciated the eye opening look at a different way to parent I appreciate the thoughts on how our forced compassion back fires, and I intend to reconsider my responses to my young children in the future In all, It s OK Not to Share is a worth while read for parents seekingideas.Cross posted on my blog I reviewed off a free advance reader copy from the bookstore where I used to work.This book is all about the free play philosophy of child raising Basically, the book and philosophy maintains that children learn a host of invaluable interpersonal skills through self directed play with minimal adult intervention I found the book completely eye opening Of course, the book is written for typically developing, mainstream children, but I still found so many things that were applicable to my high I reviewed off a free advance reader copy from the bookstore where I used to work.This book is all about the free play philosophy of child raising Basically, the book and philosophy maintains that children learn a host of invaluable interpersonal skills through self directed play with minimal adult intervention I found the book completely eye opening Of course, the book is written for typically developing, mainstream children, but I still found so many things that were applicable to my high functioning ASD child.Despite the controversial book and chapter titles, the main point of the book is that children should be allowed to make their own decisions, accept the consequences, and that parents should help kids learn to mediate the conflicts that may arise from those decisions Personally, that is the kind of idea I can get behind I like the idea of my kid making independent decisions about who he plays with and for how long he uses a toy I also like the idea of learning how to defend those decisions in a kind and respectful manner Because as the book teaches, yes, you can tell little Billy you don t want to play with him You cannot tell him you don t want to play with him because he s a poop head.This books is not for everyone and will not appeal to every family or be applicable in every single situation, but I do think it s a good one for parents to read It presents some options, especially in some difficult situations like explaining death , and it wouldn t hurt parents to be familiar with them Also, even if ultimately you still want your kids to share, you still might like the strategy where you make a list for who gets the toy next