&FREE DOWNLOAD ⇛ Death of a Neighborhood Witch ↾ Ebook or Kindle ePUB free

Okso I m walking through the library and I see this book The bright orange cover with a cat, pumpkin, and witch and when I read the story synopsis on the flap, I was hooked Who didn t grow up with a neighborhood witch you know, that person who s just angry and bitter and is going to make sure everyone is as miserable as they are on their block Ours lived right across the street from us, and she terrorized us kids.In this take, Jaine Austen yes, that s the protagonists name once again f Okso I m walking through the library and I see this book The bright orange cover with a cat, pumpkin, and witch and when I read the story synopsis on the flap, I was hooked Who didn t grow up with a neighborhood witch you know, that person who s just angry and bitter and is going to make sure everyone is as miserable as they are on their block Ours lived right across the street from us, and she terrorized us kids.In this take, Jaine Austen yes, that s the protagonists name once again finds herself in the middle of a murder This is the 11th in the series but my first read and as mentioned throughout the book, Jaine has solved mysteries before and you can read them all, just look at the list at the front of the book What I d never read a book where the author was pushing their other books as a part of the story.Let s start with the good I loved the plot line, when the neighborhood witch is murdered, the whole neighborhood are the suspects, and they re all living next to each other That s great The emails from her mother and father are funny Ummm.that s all I can come up with.And now, why the one star Jaine is one heck of a masochist She consistently complains about being fat, but the minute something devastating happens, like she gets a hang nail, off she is to eat whatever processed junk food she can find Her self deprecating attitude was annoying and she seems to always be in the middle of a pity party The incredibly stupid situation she places herself in and or creates, had me throwing the book across the room in frustration I swear, Jaine is the Queen of Victimland.And another thing, Jaine s supposed bestie, Lance, continues to tear her down, humiliate her, and brings sweets whenever he s done something crappy to her and needs to apologize And Jaine continues to give in and forgive him Why Oh Why The negative atmosphere he creates should be tolerated by no one.I don t have to like the characters I m reading about although, with a cozy mystery it s preferable , I do have to find them interesting If I m giving my time to a story, my time needs to be respected with interesting characters, storyline, writing, and oh crap situations where I want to see how the protagonist prevails.This wasn t one of those A day without laughter is a day wasted Charlie ChaplinDon t waste another day Jaine Austen awaits you for another comedic adventure from Laura Levine For those new to Jaine, she is a free lance author, living la vida loca in LA No, no, she is not dancing to Ricky Martin Instead, Jaine plays amateur sleuth when dead bodies appear around her She is abetted in these cozy mysteries by her outlandish neighbor and shoe salesman Lance her faithful friend and successful writer Kandi and A day without laughter is a day wasted Charlie ChaplinDon t waste another day Jaine Austen awaits you for another comedic adventure from Laura Levine For those new to Jaine, she is a free lance author, living la vida loca in LA No, no, she is not dancing to Ricky Martin Instead, Jaine plays amateur sleuth when dead bodies appear around her She is abetted in these cozy mysteries by her outlandish neighbor and shoe salesman Lance her faithful friend and successful writer Kandi and her cavalier cat and pantyhose killer Prozac.Levine lets the dogs and howls out for her Halloween themed new release, DEATH OF A NEIGHBORHOOD WITCH Only Levine can deliver such zany characters the victim is Cryptessa Muldoon, television s fourth most famous monster mom Cryptessa s success lasted one season many moons ago and she has since terrorized her neighbors Thus, her neighbors become the prime suspects when Cryptessa is murdered with her own No Trespassing sign I chuckled when Jaine discovered that Cryptessa made her TV debut as a corpse on Hawaii Five O I wonder what Jack Lord thought of Cryptessa Even Jack Lord would roll with laughter at Jaine s antics in solving the crime Jaine leaves no stone unturned or candy unwrapped as she plows forward in her elastic waisted pants That s the beauty of Jaine she is imperfect She s real She s a character with whom readers can relate especially her rationale for stocking up on Halloween candy, knowing few kids will ring her doorbell the grocery clerk doesn t buy into Jaine s excuses Levine writes Jaine in such a way that I can feel the physical comedy ala Charlie Chaplin himself.The cr me de la cr me Janie s parents live in a Tampa condo They separately send emails to complain of the other Her mother has an overactive credit card and her father has an overactive imagination Jaine s parents hit home for me as my parents live in a Tampa condo and I understand the seniors shenanigans in their golden years.DEATH OF A NEIGHBORHOOD WITCH is alive with humor It is the funniest book of 2012 Must read for fans of cozy mysteries and unlimited laughter The first few books were laugh out loud funny at times even if a bit predictable, they were fun to read But by now the author has reused the same jokes over and over again to a frustratingly boring degree The jokes are recycled often with little, if any, variance so often that each book is almost exactly the same as this one before I would like to see some new material come from these stories, because the old stuff has been way overused.It s also a bit tiring reading about a main charact The first few books were laugh out loud funny at times even if a bit predictable, they were fun to read But by now the author has reused the same jokes over and over again to a frustratingly boring degree The jokes are recycled often with little, if any, variance so often that each book is almost exactly the same as this one before I would like to see some new material come from these stories, because the old stuff has been way overused.It s also a bit tiring reading about a main character that never develops or grows out of her spineless, doormat personality She lets her friends and acquaintances walk all over her, and it s always the same through every book I d hope by now she would have gained a littleself respect But she never changes It s a bit frustrating Rated 3.5 starsJaine is a writer who lives in the semi poor part of town and she loves her food but when her cat Prozac murders her neighbors parakeet a chain of bad luck for her Peter is new to the neighborhood and decides to have a Halloween party but then the crabby Cryptessa ends up being killer by her own sign and of course Jaine is blamed due to the fact that whoever killed Cryptessa was wearing her costume While Jaine tries to find out who really did kill Cryptessa she finds out that it Rated 3.5 starsJaine is a writer who lives in the semi poor part of town and she loves her food but when her cat Prozac murders her neighbors parakeet a chain of bad luck for her Peter is new to the neighborhood and decides to have a Halloween party but then the crabby Cryptessa ends up being killer by her own sign and of course Jaine is blamed due to the fact that whoever killed Cryptessa was wearing her costume While Jaine tries to find out who really did kill Cryptessa she finds out that it could be any of the neighbors since they all have their secrets There are some funny moments between her nosy neighbor and friend or enemy Lance They are both attracted to the new comer and their competition gets Jaine into a bit of funny moments So, I went to the library with a list of books to read and none of them were available I happened to see this book I enjoy a good cozy mystery series but I usually like to start with the first book in the series My library of course did not have the first book Desperate for something to read I took this one home Seriously, this is close to being one of the worst books I have ever read You know that trend, in movies and TV, where the characters break from their roles and talk to the audie So, I went to the library with a list of books to read and none of them were available I happened to see this book I enjoy a good cozy mystery series but I usually like to start with the first book in the series My library of course did not have the first book Desperate for something to read I took this one home Seriously, this is close to being one of the worst books I have ever read You know that trend, in movies and TV, where the characters break from their roles and talk to the audience Think Deadpool Well, this author tries doing that in her bookand fails miserably Also, for some reason, she seems to think it is cute to have the main protagonist constantly put words into the other characters mouths only to follow it up with Ok, I She He didn t really say that Really Once Maybe But this appears on every other page I could go on and on, but just let s leave it at this book sucks and I won t be reading anyin the seriesor by this author 2.5 I almost rounded up for making me doubt myself, but I feel like books I enjoyedhave only gotten three stars so it cheapens the rating as though my ratings had any value Not to spoil anything but I did predict the killer in my fifth comment as I read and I stuck with that belief mostly from contrarinessthan deduction until we got to what seemed like an extremely disappointing climax for a mystery I was mistaken thinking this writer was possibly breaking away from the mystery 2.5 I almost rounded up for making me doubt myself, but I feel like books I enjoyedhave only gotten three stars so it cheapens the rating as though my ratings had any value Not to spoil anything but I did predict the killer in my fifth comment as I read and I stuck with that belief mostly from contrarinessthan deduction until we got to what seemed like an extremely disappointing climax for a mystery I was mistaken thinking this writer was possibly breaking away from the mystery writing mold all series seem to follow, but that disappointment just made being right ten pages later all the sweeter This was a very quick read when I could be bothered to focus on it Jaine had an interesting inner dialogue I didn t mind following, but it wasn t thrilling reading that kept me turning the pages The action was almost always comically unrealistic which also made me take frequent breaks I wouldn t mind being introduced to Jaine again in the first book to see what she was meant to be and compare it to what she s become after 11 books in a series mystery series aren t generally known for improving as they go A bit of a bother was that I couldn t quite get a handle on Jaine s age, I thought maybe 30s but she didn t act like it really, she seemed older Overall, it felt like an older person was trying to write about the life of a younger person and sometimes failing Of course 11 years of technology advances happened since the author started this series so maybe some of it was just staying true to what she wrote in the past What an utterly annoying leading female I was willing to give her the reason of doubt but I have never come across aspineless woman in a novel than her It took away everything from the murder mystery and her relationships to her best friend and neighbour were frightening You don t need enemies when you have friends like this She and he can bribe her with almost any unhealthy food to do their bidding and are neither helpful nor supportive The heroine doesn t cook but loves to eat What an utterly annoying leading female I was willing to give her the reason of doubt but I have never come across aspineless woman in a novel than her It took away everything from the murder mystery and her relationships to her best friend and neighbour were frightening You don t need enemies when you have friends like this She and he can bribe her with almost any unhealthy food to do their bidding and are neither helpful nor supportive The heroine doesn t cook but loves to eat as her figure shows well that s probably the only thing we have in common , but her brain is the size of a doghnut and filled with air and the solving of the crime isaccidental than anything Finished it but did NOT like it at all &FREE DOWNLOAD ⇝ Death of a Neighborhood Witch ✗ When her faithful feline Prozac unwittingly scares to death a parakeet belonging to the neighborhood s resident curmudgeon, Jaine finds herself knee deep in toil and trouble The cantankerous Hollywood has been once played the part of Cryptessa Muldoon, television s fourth most famous monster mom Now a bitter, paranoid old dame, Cryptessa spends her days making enemies with everyone on the street, and accidental bird killer Jaine is no exception So when the ornery D lister is murdered with her own Do Not Tresspass sign on Halloween night, the neighborhood fills with relief and possible culpritsWith a killer on the loose, Jaine hardly has time to fall under the spell of her yummy new neighbor, Peter As the prime suspect, she summons her sleuthing skills to clear her name and soon discovers that everyone has a few skeletons in their closets and movtives for murder are endless Could it have been Cryptessa s next door neighbors, the barracuda husband and wife realtors whose landscaping Cryptessa bulldozed Or the seemingly sweet old lady whose beloved dog was the object of Cryptessa s wrath Or perhaps the crotchety actress was done in by her own nephew in a desperate attempt to get his hands on her money As the masks come off, Jaine s search for sweet justice turns up questions than answers And just when she thought nothing could be scarier than her run in with a tortuous Tummy Tamer, she closes in on the killer and learns the true meaning of grave danger Levine s biting wit and fun writing style shine in this Halloween y whodunit.Jaine s crazy cat leads her into trouble this time when not nice neighbor and has been TV star Cryptessa Muldoon ends up dead I don t want to give away the fun twists that kept me turning pages and I didn t guess who did dunit until Levine wanted me to, which is always good , but suffice to say that if you re a Jaine fan, you ll love this hilarious installment in a fantastic series I look forward to the next one Once you get to the 11th book in a series, it starts to get a littledifficult to write a refreshing, interesting review But for some reason, I love Jaine Austen so here we are again.There s really nothing new here Lance is a jerk, Jaine is ridiculously clumsy, there s a guy she and Lance are both attracted to, someone dies, Jaine s Dad is weird, Jaine s Mom is horrified by his behavior The mystery gets solved and everyone is happy.It would be nice to see some growth or change here, but Once you get to the 11th book in a series, it starts to get a littledifficult to write a refreshing, interesting review But for some reason, I love Jaine Austen so here we are again.There s really nothing new here Lance is a jerk, Jaine is ridiculously clumsy, there s a guy she and Lance are both attracted to, someone dies, Jaine s Dad is weird, Jaine s Mom is horrified by his behavior The mystery gets solved and everyone is happy.It would be nice to see some growth or change here, but I m not holding my breath That said, I ll be reading the next in the series